I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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