If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
