I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
