Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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