He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
