Where did you get a picture of my penis
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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