i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
