Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Randomize
