i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
