Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
