Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
