Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
