i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
