Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
