That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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