he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
