yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
