somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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