Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
