I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
