You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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