do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
