i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
whose ass print is on the piano?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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