I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
