I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
