nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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