I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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