yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
