he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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