so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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