i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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