i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
