So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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