I'm drive I can fine osifer
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
