how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
