good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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