You can't motorboat a personality
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You may now shotgun with the bride
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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