I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
