my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
