How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
