Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
