shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
