tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
