are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
