we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
