you guys were way drunker than both of me
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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