I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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