Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Can I color on your dick again?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
