my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
