I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
