is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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