In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize