I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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