i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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