The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
