So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I need moral support for this bender
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
