I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Quick, to the slutcave!
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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