I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
