My first STD was from a foam party
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
