even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
