worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
