Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
