Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
