Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
