Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
