its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
