Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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