she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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