Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize