i just wanna soil my oats bro
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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