..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
