me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
