break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
